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Katie and I in the NICU she’s about 4 months here.

We spent 7 1/2 months in the NICU. That’s 7 1/2 months of traveling back and forth to the hospital, over half a year eating crap food because we didn’t have time to cook. 7 1/2 months of no sense of normalcy, no alone time, no time to actually enjoy having a child. When they finally told us Katie could go home it was the best day ever. Not having her at home for over half a year almost killed my husband and me. Not to mention the obvious stresses it puts on your marriage. We are completely different people today from the experience and I’m really not sure I ever want to have another baby just because of the risk of going back to the NICU only this time with having a child at home and the hospital.

This is a rundown of our time in the NICU. Wake up, call the NICU to check on your baby, let the dog out, get dressed, go up to the hospital, spend as much time as you can at the hospital, hold them if they are healthy enough to be held, if they aren’t stare hopelessly at their incubator, think of why you are in this situation, bemoan your shitty body for not holding in the baby until term, cry inwardly, talk with the nurses, stare at the incubator some more or hopefully be able to hold your baby, talk with whomever is doing morning rounds, watch the baby sleep, hope today will be better, get hungry, get lunch, go home let the dog out again, eat lunch, talk with your spouse on the phone about the morning with the baby, go back to the hospital, repeat the morning routine, talk to the doctors on shift afternoon rounds, go home for a little bit, husband gets home, go back to the hospital watch them hold the baby or stare hopelessly at the incubator, night nurse shift change, listen to the day nurse give updates to the night nurse, go get extremely late dinner, go home, call the nurse a few times to check up on the baby, go to bed if you can, sleep, wake up, repeat.

Day after day, month after month, try not to lose your mind, lose your mind anyhow, start seeing a therapist, be put on a lot of medication, postpartum, anxiety disorder, depressive disorder, try to feel a bit normal, fail, go through all five steps of grief over and over again, try to be strong for your baby and husband, try not to be resentful of being the strong one, fail, fall apart, bring yourself back together, bring you and your husband back together, make decisions for your baby’s health, hope not to make the wrong choice, make the right choices, baby starts getting better, six different surgeries, trach and G-tube placed, baby gets deathly ill, try not to collapse, fail, baby gets better miraculously, she keeps getting better, hope, get told she gets to go home, cry, learn all the stuff you need to know so she can come home, wait, then the day come and you get to bring her home finally.  I know this rambles but as much as those 7 1/2 months sucked it all led to this. Home…

 

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One of her amazing NICU nurses Angie and Katie on the day she came home. 
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Katie today…literally
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