It’s odd when someone you know passes. Sometimes you are devastated because someone you truly loved and cared about is gone and you feel their lost like you are missing a limb. Other times when it’s someone you knew but not that well you feel sad because they are gone. Then there’s the other other times when you feel nothing at all. It’s still sad like reading about someone in the news that’s died too young but there’s no personal feelings attached. That’s how I feel right now and I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

My cousin Karri passed away last night, they aren’t sure how yet and apparently there will be an autopsy to find cause of death. She’s been into heavy drugs for a long time so it’s not surprising that this has happened. The last time I even saw her was years ago at least 8 years at a gas station and she was stoned out of her mind. I was never close to her even when she wasn’t into drugs. She was always considered to be the golden grandchild while the rest of us were treated like shit by our grandmother. She was never mean to me but we just never connected. It happens. I’m sorry she died in the manner she did and that she died so young but like I said earlier it’s that kind of feeling you feel about someone you don’t know that you read about in the news. It’s sad, it’s a shame but that’s about it.

The most surprising thing about the situation is that she’s outlived her mother. My aunt Ginger is a walking talking advert for why you should never drink or take drugs but somehow she’s still kicking. I don’t talk to her either and have no interest in doing so. Even now I feel no need to reach out to her. She was never a good mother and treated Karri like crap. Belittling her in front of others to make herself feel better about the crappy person she is. The funny part is I know she’s going to ham it up and pretend she was such an excellent mother and make Karri’s death more about herself than her daughter.

Who I feel anything for is Karri’s daughter and son. Though she wasn’t a good mother to either of them and thank god they had a competent father and step-mother, she was still their mother. I’m not sure how either one is doing with this at the moment. I’ve never been close to family members. I sent her daughter a message though just saying that I was sorry for what’s happened and lending any support that I can for her. She really is an amazing young woman she’s had a rough life but she’s smart and capable and above all very kind hearted. Even through everything her mother has put her through she still wants to be able to send her off in a loving way. I can’t say I would do the same. That’s how good of a person she is. If there is a funeral I already know I’m not going for Karri or Ginger I’m going because my cousin’s daughter.

So I guess the title is more of rhetorical question because I do feel something just not for the person that’s passed away.

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