eekk everyone has germs!


June 2016

Rehashing something best forgotten

It’s not often I run across someone online that is going through a situation I’ve personally gone through in my youth but today I ran across something that really made me furious. This poor young man who is only 17 years old mother quite literally packed up all her stuff including her mattress while he wasn’t at home and left him. He’s a senior in high school and she just left him. He explained that drugs were involved and my heart just is breaking for this poor young man.

I’ve been in his situation where you come home from school and find that your parent has just left with no thought of how you, a 17 year old is supposed to survive without a car, job, a parent, or food. I dropped out of school for a month because that’s how long it took me to get the courage to actually get a hold of my other parent to come get me. At the time my mom and I weren’t on good terms and I didn’t want to go live with her because of things that had happened the previous summer. I was desperate by the time I called her. The landlady was about to throw me out of the house, even knowing the situation I was in, and I can’t really be too mad at that old lady. Though thinking back she should have tried to help me. Anyhow my mother came and got me and was shocked at the state of me. I was 88lbs and was pretty much dying from starvation. I’m 5’3 and on my frame 88lbs makes me look like a skeleton with a bobble head.

Like this except female and not gold covered.

It took my body two years to get back to somewhat normal. I had borderline ulcers from not eating. When I came back to my mom’s and was able to eat I’d throw everything up because my system wasn’t used to food anymore. I spent two years on multiple medications to fix the issues that my father caused. My mind was a mess and I was on heavy medication for anxiety and pain medication. Every part of my system was in shock. In my mind til this day I believe my father tried to kill me and almost succeeded. I’ve been pretty much no contact with him for years but his story is that I decided to stay there to marry my boyfriend at the time which is utter bullshit because anyone that knows me knows that I never wanted to get married. At least until I met my husband. I remember telling friends I was engaged and their shock that I of all people were going to get married.

I don’t talk about this part of my life because I believe it’s better left in the past and I’ve let go the hate and anger years ago mostly. The only thing that has always stuck with me is why? There were people that would have been happy to have me with them. My grandparents, my mom, my uncle, anyone really. I was a good kid and didn’t deserve to have that happen to me. Now that I’m a mother, I look at my precious little girl and wonder how anyone could ever do the things he did to someone that is so innocent, someone that you made.

I decided to add him as a Facebook friend so he can see he has a grand-daughter because that’s what my grandparents (who raised me pretty much all my life) would want of me. They both are gone now, which I wish they would have been around long enough to see this darling superhero of a girl I have.  So now I’m faced with a choice, do I honor my grandparents memory or cut him completely out of my life again. I’m torn because my grandparents were amazing people but reading about someone that has gone through what I’ve gone through makes my blood boil and I feel like I’m out for blood at the moment. His blood of course. A big part of me wants to tear him down, show the world who he really is instead of the cunning charming man he presents himself to be. I’ve seen him tear multiple people mentally apart. My mother alone has never recovered from being married to him over 20 years later. How can I still honor my grandparents wish when this man has destroyed every woman I hold dear.



The minions movie make no damn sense

So being a stay at home mom of a almost two year old, I am now subjected to horrible kid shows. Katie fell in love with the minions movie much to my chagrin. Luckily it keeps her calm while she’s getting her G-tube feedings or else I’d probably pull out my hair. I have now seen this movie more times then I can count and can quote the movie word for word at this point. So here are some observations I’ve noticed after my millionth time of seeing it.

  SPOILERS AHEAD FAIR WARNING!!!!!!!!!! Also some cussing!




So the movie starts off and they eventually meet humans. They go from caveman to Pharaohs to Count Dracula to finally Napoleon. Now here’s were it gets a little messy geographically. They show them with Napoleon in the snow, if you know history this must be Russia right? So anyhow they mess up get chased away by the soldiers and go live in an ice cave. Okay so they have to be in Siberia or in the Arctic. blah blah blah 3 decide to leave the cave to find a villain to work for they end up at the sea and row their way to NYC. blah blah blah 30 minutes later the tribe decide to meet up with our titular minions in England. According to IMDB the minons were in Antarctica. WHAT!?! HOW! There is no polar bears in Antarctica NONE.  So they run away from the polar bear end up on an ice floe to be greeted by grizzly bears on the other side. (for this to make sense they had to be in the arctic because that’s were polar bears live and rowed across to Alaska) anyhow no instead they end up in Sydney, Australia (I imagine by magic) travel across Australia and go to India (don’t get me started on that one) to the USA then on a plane to get to England. WHAT KIND OF FUCKERY IS THIS. My husband says I’m looking too much into this and I agree but you’re telling me not ONE of the people working on this movie ever looked at a globe and didn’t realize that the minions way of travel makes no sense. NO ONE. I want to strangle the people who made this movie. Also how can they wear overalls when they don’t have shoulders.


Rant over now I’ll go back to watching those yellow tic tac a-holes again to appease the baby.



Holy crap I haven’t posted in a long time

Because I totally got a new computer and forgot my password. 🙂 So let’s see what has happened in the last month and a half. Katie’s weaning OFF the ventilator!!!! We are currently up to 8 hours off the vent meaning she’s not hooked up to the vent at all and has a cap over her trach. Saturday we go to ALL waking hours off the vent. OMG this has been the best month or so since she was born. Everything has been going great, not many bumps in the road which I’m grateful for. She’s my little superhero. She’s now 20 months old as of yesterday and she’s getting bigger every day. Her last weigh in she was 19lbs 5ozs but that was a few weeks ago, so I think she’s more like 19 and 3/4lbs and almost 30 inches tall! So on July 1st I get to call the vent clinic to get further instructions. Which will be taking off her breathe rate during naptimes. Then breathe rate off overnight. So I’m thinking by her next appointment, I believe we will start capping her off for naps then overnight. Then it’s only a month or so before the surgery to close off the trach hole. I think it will be in September. 🙂 All in all fantastic news all over. Well she just woke up and is clapping for some reason lol.



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