It’s not often I run across someone online that is going through a situation I’ve personally gone through in my youth but today I ran across something that really made me furious. This poor young man who is only 17 years old mother quite literally packed up all her stuff including her mattress while he wasn’t at home and left him. He’s a senior in high school and she just left him. He explained that drugs were involved and my heart just is breaking for this poor young man.

I’ve been in his situation where you come home from school and find that your parent has just left with no thought of how you, a 17 year old is supposed to survive without a car, job, a parent, or food. I dropped out of school for a month because that’s how long it took me to get the courage to actually get a hold of my other parent to come get me. At the time my mom and I weren’t on good terms and I didn’t want to go live with her because of things that had happened the previous summer. I was desperate by the time I called her. The landlady was about to throw me out of the house, even knowing the situation I was in, and I can’t really be too mad at that old lady. Though thinking back she should have tried to help me. Anyhow my mother came and got me and was shocked at the state of me. I was 88lbs and was pretty much dying from starvation. I’m 5’3 and on my frame 88lbs makes me look like a skeleton with a bobble head.

Like this except female and not gold covered.

It took my body two years to get back to somewhat normal. I had borderline ulcers from not eating. When I came back to my mom’s and was able to eat I’d throw everything up because my system wasn’t used to food anymore. I spent two years on multiple medications to fix the issues that my father caused. My mind was a mess and I was on heavy medication for anxiety and pain medication. Every part of my system was in shock. In my mind til this day I believe my father tried to kill me and almost succeeded. I’ve been pretty much no contact with him for years but his story is that I decided to stay there to marry my boyfriend at the time which is utter bullshit because anyone that knows me knows that I never wanted to get married. At least until I met my husband. I remember telling friends I was engaged and their shock that I of all people were going to get married.

I don’t talk about this part of my life because I believe it’s better left in the past and I’ve let go the hate and anger years ago mostly. The only thing that has always stuck with me is why? There were people that would have been happy to have me with them. My grandparents, my mom, my uncle, anyone really. I was a good kid and didn’t deserve to have that happen to me. Now that I’m a mother, I look at my precious little girl and wonder how anyone could ever do the things he did to someone that is so innocent, someone that you made.

I decided to add him as a Facebook friend so he can see he has a grand-daughter because that’s what my grandparents (who raised me pretty much all my life) would want of me. They both are gone now, which I wish they would have been around long enough to see this darling superhero of a girl I have.  So now I’m faced with a choice, do I honor my grandparents memory or cut him completely out of my life again. I’m torn because my grandparents were amazing people but reading about someone that has gone through what I’ve gone through makes my blood boil and I feel like I’m out for blood at the moment. His blood of course. A big part of me wants to tear him down, show the world who he really is instead of the cunning charming man he presents himself to be. I’ve seen him tear multiple people mentally apart. My mother alone has never recovered from being married to him over 20 years later. How can I still honor my grandparents wish when this man has destroyed every woman I hold dear.