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momunderquarantine

eekk everyone has germs!

Month

June 2017

Scar Revision Success!

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Talk to the hand daddy!

Success! However it was one of the most frustrating, irritating and annoying days of this year so far. We got stuck in traffic on the way there, her surgery was scheduled for 11:30am yesterday we arrived and found a parking spot and got into the hospital 10 minutes late because of the huge traffic jam and we left an hour and half before the surgery!!! Waited in the waiting room forever, they finally come back and grab us three to go to pre-op at about 1:30pm and then I made mention that I think her trach site had closed, which then prompts them to have to change the surgery plan because they were expecting to close the hole. So an misunderstanding happens between me and the man getting his face shoved in in the photo above because now it’s more of a cosemetic surgery isn’t necessary but we come to an understanding and decide to have the scar revision go through so we won’t have to do it when she’s older and can remember the surgery.

So I spent about an hour not talking to my other half but we both ended up apologizing to each others because we are adults and both were in the wrong. Meanwhile Katie’s in the OR and rocking it out and 45 minutes after the start we go in for the consulatation with the doctor who by the way is just amazing. I hugged her…twice and I don’t hug anyone other than Katie! Anyhow like I said the hole was closed which meant we did not have to stay the night which I was super glad about and we have one follow up and then ENT will be releasing her from their care! I’ll address that in a moment. She wakes up from sedation super pissed off because she’s in a strange room with a stranger and she sees me and grabs for me. I pick her up and there is still some wet blood at the site and then I had blood on me but I didn’t care because she was in my arms and even though she was screaming her head off, she was okay and fine.

Get the IV out of her hand, get her dressed, pop her in the stroller and we are off for our long walk to P5 parking lol (there was like no parking at C.S. Mott’s). Get her in the car and off her and I go……right into another traffic jam. Now here’s the thing every few minutes Katie is crying and I can’t do shit about it because well I’m on the freeway and need to drive so what is normally a 40 minute drive was an hour and 40 minutes of her crying off and on and me telling her “Katie soon we will be home and these cars will get out of my way” which well they didn’t lol but we got home a little after 5pm and I put her in her high chair put on some “Sarah and Duck” and she was just as happy as a clam. Got to finally feed her for the first time that day and she just was so chill all night. She stayed up later than normal but once she fell asleep she was out for the night and I only had to give her Tyenol twice. Which while I write this the little miss is napping.

This morning I woke up to even louder babbling and I go into her room and she gives me this huge smile and we get our day started and she’s acting like nothing has happened. She hasn’t been messing with the site so far so thank god for that and she’s just so happy and it warms my heart.

On the follow up appointment I was talking about earlier I want to say something seperate for it. Since April 21st 2015 we have been dealing with her having a trach, being attached to a ventilator, having home nurses, no privacy, more than our fair share of doctors appointments, RSV shots, trach changes, suctioning, two emergency trach changes, one time having to use the ambubag to get the mucus plug out, the weaning off oxygen, weaning off the breathe rate, weaning off the pressure, weaned off the vent completely, her wearing a HME (humidity moisture exchange valve), capped off, decannulation, and finally the scar revision. The best part of the follow up appointment (July 20th) is this it will finally close the chapter on the whole trach saga. All the stress, all the worries, all the invasive tests and procedures and my god it’s been tiring but so damn worth every moment.

To anyone and everyone that ever reads this, thank you for taking the time out of your day to read about my little miss and if you are currently going through anything trach related or preemie related please don’t hestitate to send me a message or ask questions because I’d be more than happy to help anyone on this road. It’s rocky and unsteady but don’t worry everyone in the preemie community will catch you when you fall. I hope everyone has a great weekend!

A week away

A week from now assuming Katie is healthy and everything she will go in for her scar revision procedure or surgery if you so prefer to call it that. It’s only supposed to take an hour and they will close the trach site if it’s still open (I can’t tell the little miss won’t let me see!) and make the scar look prettier. I’m not sure what all is going to happen but the little I do know is it isn’t a serious procedure because they will only be keeping her for 23 hours overnight so we won’t be fully admitted into the hospital.

I’m definitely nervous because well they are going to be putting her under even if it’s for a short time and the fact that the last week she’s been having allergy issues so I’m hoping those clear up like now so it doesn’t get delayed. C.S. Mott is super cautious about this kind of stuff with reason. I’m just super glad that she’s getting better. While I am still suffering from this bad ass sinus infection and luckily I’m not contagious.

On another note I play “Sid the Science Kid” for Katie when she’s getting a g-tube feed and every time they sing at the beginning she’ll look over at me like “hey you going to sing mommy or what?” I may have accidentally trained her with all the singing I do with her. Also I’m super excited because one of her former “podmates” at the NICU joined the naked neck club yesterday, so no more trach for her! So all in all very good things are happening even if I’m coughing up a damn lung!

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I’m watching you monkey mirror!¬†

A open letter to Katie

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Katie,

Today marks the 2nd anniversary of you coming home from your 225 day stay in NICU and I wanted to take a moment today to write a letter to you that I hope I expand on every year until you’re old enough to give them all to you.

I hope I have been a good mom to you and if I have messed up hopefully it was nothing major and just small things like making you mad because I wouldn’t let you go to a party or something like that. I really hope I do right by you and the reason I’m writing this letter is to tell you how much I love you and how proud I am of you. By now you’ve probably heard many stories about your NICU stay and the struggles during your baby/toddler years and maybe you have some memories of outpatient therapists or specialists or maybe you don’t. Right now I’m not sure where the road is leading us but I do know I am so proud of everything you do.

I’ve loved you and been proud of you since the day you were born and I know I definitely loved you from the moment I knew of your existence. I’m sure we won’t always see eye to eye but please know that every moment of your life I have cherished. You have always been wanted and always been loved. I will always be proud of you and love you no matter what. You have been through so much at such a young age and in such a short time and I can’t imagine loving anyone as much as I love you. Every new thing you do thrills me even if it’s something as simple as a smile or one step forward or one word spoken. We are incredibly lucky to have such an amazing daughter and I don’t know right now who you are going to turn out to be or where your road in life will take you but I do know no matter what, I will always love you for who you are. Your dad jokes he will disown you if you go to OSU but don’t worry he’s just joking because you’re amazing and you have both of us wrapped around your finger.

I’m really hoping that we don’t end up with a pony in the backyard and I hope we give you the space and room you need to grow and thrive and find yourself. I really hope I’m not too overprotective and let you be you and not wrap you up in bubble wrap to keep you safe and I really hope you are proud of me too. Because you are literally the best thing I have ever done in my entire life and I really really hope I haven’t let you down. I love you so much Katie and I’m sure I don’t show it enough but I hope I tell you how much I love you and how proud I am of who you have grown into. Katie, you have made my life such a joy and I hope I do the same for you in return.

I hope to keep this up writing you letters every year on this day and you already know about the many holiday cards I’ve written in by now and of course the hand written journals¬†that talk about your childhood. You have your blanket over your head right now so I need to go take that off your head. I love you Katie and always will.

 

love,

Mom

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